Friday, May 29, 2020




Uncle Romanus, if you are still feeling shy to ask the conductor for your change when you're in a bus with bae, then you are not best friends at all, you're just two familiar people doing relationship.

Some uncles cannot even price meat and fish in the market with pride when aunty is around. Uncle will just be feeling all shy, trying to look like a gentleman in front of her. If this is you sir, take it from me, there is a big gap in your friendship with her, a very big gap that pretending to be friends cannot fill.

Let me tell you a true story that happened with me and my Bestie Choco.

Okay so, I was supposed to pick her up to go shopping. I got there, tried to order an Uber, and the taxi was taking forever to get there. 5minutes became 15minutes, then 30 minutes. We couldn't wait anymore seeing that the traffic was crazy outside. So we decided to take a bike(okada). We walked to the bus stop, I stopped a bike and asked him to take us to the next bustop just to escape the traffic so we can order another Uber. That was how the bike man said N500 for two of us, hiiiaaaaan, that was obviously hyped because I was standing with the most beautiful woman in the world, but beauty did not concern me, oga the price was too much, I told him to go. Aunty was standing there looking at me. Next bike came, gave me an even higher fare, I told him to
Au revoir. Then another, same thing. Aunty got tired of standing, no exaggerations, we stood there for over 30minutes, not because we couldn't find a bike, but because I did not gree, nobody can use fine girl to cheat me.

Choco baby grew tired of me. If you people like say I'm stingy that's your concern, I was fighting for my human right. 🤣🤣

Long story long, aunty vexed that I was pricing too much, but honestly the normal fare is just N150 to carry two persons, sheybi now you understand my Martin Luther King? 🤣

Next bike came, Choco did not even ask for the price, she just jumped on the bike and said "Uncle, no vex, when you finish meet me for front." You needed to see the way I flew ontop of that bike, afterall na she go pay, cos me I'm not ready to pay N500 for nothing, when the bike is not taking us on excursion. 🤣🤣

This was too extreme I know, but I was able to be that open because I was with someone who has seen me finish, at this point of our beautiful friendship I can say that pretending to each other is at owners risk.

Friendship is the biggest part of marriage, if you two must make it in this business, sorry I mean this marriage covenant, then you have to marry your friend. Not a familiar face, not a colleague in purpose, but a friend. A friend who you are comfortable around no matter where you are. A friend in whose presence you can conveniently bargain your change from the bike man unashamed. I know uncles who will stop a cab and agree on any fare without bargaining because they are with aunty, the gentleman in them will shoot out once our sister is around. Even when the taxi man is asking for more than usual, you'll still hear uncle say "let's go Baby, it's okay."

No, we are not going anywhere, oga if you no gree N150 then move, you are not the only taxi on the road. Sometimes even when he agrees to the fair you will still swallow spit and say "oga, N100 nko? Na just the next junction we dey go." Until the taxi man will swear for you and speed off. 😂 Wait, if you don't have a girl who can prize things in the market uncle you are still single and fluctuating.

Aunty if you cannot fart in his face and apologize then its obvious you have trust issues. If you have not done messing competition before you're not real friends. Sometimes it's as simple as buying a sanitary pad in front of Uncle, some aunties are soo shy to even mention that they are on their period, let alone buy a pad when he is around. It has nothing to do with your spirituality Sir, Ma, that brother is not your best friend, simple.

There are so many ways to check the level of FRIENDSHIP in your relationship and marriage.

If you have not taken crazy selfies at the mall without feeling awkward with people looking at you like joli-just-com.

If the two of you cannot slap a soldier and run away.

If you cannot lap eachother in a bus. Some people are even too shy to eat together by the road side. Everyday you want to do chicken and chips N5000, when a balanced diet from Mama Sukura is only N500. You think you are doing me?

Have you two tried eating roasted corn on the road before?

Play loud music in the car and sing along?

Missed him so much that you call when you're out with your friends and put the phone on speaker for the whole squad to talk to him one by one?

Aunty, If you still have the mind and patience to edit your photos before sending them to boo, you need deliverance from chronic pretentism.

See guys, I'm just trying to make you find friendship in usual everyday things we can relate with. It's so important that we get this right.

Take this love exercise:

This new month, get a pen and a paper and write down all the things you have done together as friends and match them against all the things you haven't done yet, then, GET YOURSELVES TO WORK ON IT, alright.